Recently, an issue about a husband impregnating his housemaid has taken to the social media platforms, drawing fierce and strongly divided reactions.
At the root of it all is one timeless fact. Sexual urge is quite natural, but discipline is necessary. Any man who lacks the restraint to control his sexual urges while single is unlikely to suddenly acquire that discipline after marriage. Experience has shown that unrestrained sexual appetite has brought down many men, damaging families, reputations, and futures.
Having sexual urges is natural and a sign of healthy biological and psychological functioning. Medical and psychological research recognises sexual desire as a normal aspect of human biology.
Various researches show that testosterone and oestrogen are examples of hormones that influence the chemistry of the brain to affect sexual motivation and arousal. For example, Baburski et al. explain that androgens, particularly testosterone, regulate sexual desire in humans affecting both neural and physiological systems.
Similarly, reviews of sex steroids highlight the role of testosterone and oestrogen in controlling libido. Expert consensus from the International Consultation on Sexual Medicine further indicates that in men, testosterone, oxytocin and other hormones coordinate sexual desire and arousal, emphasising that sexual urges are grounded in healthy biological processes.
The real test of character lies not in the experiencing of such urges, but in self-control, in choosing not to act on them when to do so would be damaging, inappropriate, or exploitative.
As expected, opinions are divided.
Some defend the man.
Some sympathise with the wife.
Others speak in defence of the housemaid.
While these interpretations are understandable, one should not give up moral clarity for sympathy. Wrong remains wrong, regardless of who commits it or who benefits from public sentiment.
That said, responsibility must be properly weighed. Both the man and the housemaid are complicit in the act. However, the man bears greater moral responsibility. As a married person, an employer, and someone in a position of authority, he had a higher duty to uphold boundaries, honour his vows, and avoid any abuse of power.
The housemaid, though possibly vulnerable due to economic and social circumstances, is not entirely without agency. There are many young people who have resisted similar advances despite pressure. Recognising vulnerability should not mean erasing personal responsibility.
In condemning this act, we must avoid reducing a complex moral failure to selective outrage. Justice demands honesty, balance, and consistency. Evil should be condemned wherever it appears, and responsibility should be assigned with fairness and wisdom.
Finally, whether you are single or married, male or female, if one of your sexual fantasies involves exploiting a vulnerable person, kindly remove it from your imagination now. It will save you from a great deal of trouble.
Case closed!
© Chinedu Vincent Okoro is a British Council Action Research recipient, Rotarian, educator, poet, and advocate for social change, peace, and mental health. He holds a Master of Education in Advanced Teaching from the University of the People, Pasadena, California, USA. He writes from Olumawu School, Abuja, Nigeria.
